OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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