i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
