No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
