You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize