Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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