she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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