Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
