She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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