can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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