About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
