these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
