she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
