I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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