his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
