He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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