I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
