I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
