I've blown a few things in my day
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
