I think i sorta joined a cult last night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i now understand why vodka
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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