no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
