Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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