I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
