FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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