No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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