somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
