fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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