I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am spending my child support on dildos
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
