you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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