I'm lost and stupid without you.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
