Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
