We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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