i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
