This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
