1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
