I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
