plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
