And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Houston, we have a squirter
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
