I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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