Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize