god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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