Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize