I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
