I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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