alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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