My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
