I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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