my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
