he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
