Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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