Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you never un-have a 4some
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
