I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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