EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize