Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
As shirtless as possible
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
