I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
