when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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