I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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