im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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