i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
