I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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