is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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