awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
