He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
