We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
