dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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