I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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