First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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