I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize